definitely not beer pong, we’re talking ‘bout beirut

what will happen if I call lebanon? will the shin bet or the mossad come knock down my door? or will my name just go on a list somewhere and wait quietly until it ambushes me at the airport on my way out or back in? i think I’ve been reading too much sayed kashua and his paranoid tone has rubbed off.

is it better to call from a land line? or will it be ok from my cell phone? could I fool them all by calling from a pay phone? someone told me a story recently about problems caused by calling arab countries from cell phones. she called down to Sinai one evening to make a reservation at a beach-side hut, a ritual of many Israelis who engage in an annual reverse exodus. sinai, a region that may have been returned to egyptian governmental control, is still under some sort of israeli tourist occupation (that is, when they aren’t scared off by terrorism). but the morning after making this call, she went to make a regular, local call from her cell phone and got an automated message that her phone service had been suspended and she could not make out-going calls.

bewildered, she called the phone company, who informed her that unprecedented calls to arab countries are earmarked as potential stolen phones and service is automatically discontinued (we could discuss the racist implications of this at a later date). after providing the proper identification numbers, she was able to prove that her phone was not stolen, and her service was restored.

but that was egypt, now I’m talking about lebanon. lebanon, where there isn’t anything resembling a pretense of peace between the two governments. lebanon, a country you are not allowed to enter if your passport contains evidence of a visit to the zionist entity that doesnt really exist. and coming into israel with proof of time in lebanon will require answers to many questions beyond the traditional "where did you pack your suitcase?" and lebanon, where a segment of the border is inaptly named “the good fence.” if “good” means hatred and that the only people who think about crossing are hizballah and the israeli army, then sure.

so say I make the phone call, and no one knocks down my door, and my name doesn’t get put on the black list of those to hassle at the check-in counter, then what? then maybe I start asking the next round of questions beginning with, is the naked run rule in effect? i mean, what will happen if I go to beirut?